Bringing the Spark Back In Your Relationship Doesn’t Have To Cost The Earth

In the early days, we didn’t have to think about it. We seemed to always have time for each other, we sought out ways to have fun together and we created opportunities to express romance. Then, after some time, we disembark the wind of euphoric passion that we rode on and settle down into a steady calm flow of complacency. Suddenly the time that we used to have for each other has disappeared, we struggle to find fun things to do together and, romance? What’s that?

Interesting how that happens isn’t it? But why does it happen - even to the best of couples? Especially when the stats show that couples who have regular dates nights together are much less likely to split up. 

Over the years of helping couples around the world to create thriving relationships - I have heard the same 4 excuses for not prioritising dates nights:

  1. We don’t have the time because of work 
  2. We have no childcare 
  3. It can get very expensive 
  4. We have gotten out of the habit

For most couples, these are not just excuses - they are real situational barriers to them intentionally injecting and maintaining the spark in the relationship that they once had. Now don’t get me wrong, having full-on romance-filled date nights are not the be-all and end-all of a successful relationship but the evidence does back up the theory that couples who prioritise the romantic element of their relationship are more likely to go the distance and thrive whilst they're at it.

Now, if this is an area that you are struggling with and you resonate with some of the reasons for not prioritising dating your partner above then I think it's time that I help you to pull down some of the barriers. 

There are a few things that I want you to consider when thinking about how you can bring dating back into your relationship. 

  1. Intimacy is not supposed to decrease the longer you stay together, but rather it is like a fine wine that deepens over time. If you feel like your relationship is solid in terms of friendship, working as a team, and communication - that’s great. But don’t accept a reduction of passion and intimacy as your norm. You can have a passionate romantic relationship years into your relationship
  2. Simply making a joint decision to prioritise spending time together is going to open up your minds to the various opportunities to share beautiful moments together as lovers available to you. 
  3. It doesn’t have to be expensive! In fact, often times the simple things are the most deeply connecting. A late-night walk hand in hand in the park, driving the car to a scenic spot and spending an hour listening to your favourite love music, staying at home and creating a romantic restaurant feel in your living room with candles, gentle music, sensual aroma and good food - all very in expensive, especially when you invest in decor for those special date nights in you create for yourselves on a regular basis.

4.Can get someone to have your children - even if just for an hour? Children don’t have to be romance blockers unless you allow them. If you have to pay £20 - £35 to get a couple of hours of grown-up time together then value your relationship enough to make the investment!

So what are you waiting for? Valentines day is around the corner - why not use that day as the perfect opportunity to reignite your dating life within your relationship. 


By Adaeze Chiwoko 

The Marriage & Relationship Coach

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